Other Uses For An E-collar

We've reached Day 2 1/2 of Olive's E-collar entrapment (due to a mystery skin infection). She is NOT enjoying her plastic prison BUT, in these few short days, she has taught us that there are many other uses for the cone of shame.

1. Battering Ram - This was either a futile attempt at escape or she's still learning the spacial ramifications of having a plastic cone around her head. Last night, while out for her evening poo, she got the zoomies and ran head first into the fence, thereby cracking the cone in half. This, my friends, is probably what duct tape was invented for.

I only have myself to blame

2. Sandblaster - I'm fairly certain I'm going to need to repaint our entire house.  Every turn she makes is right into a wall, leading to quite a bit of paint scraping. The trim on the backdoor was already in need of some touch-ups but Olive's inability to understand the size of her plasti-head has moved this way up on the project list.  She's also gotten her head stuck in the fireplace.

3. Weight Control System - CAN'T - REACH - THE - FOOD!

Get in my belly!

4. Megaphone - You thought she barked loud before?  She sounds like crazy cheerleader mom now.

5. Beer Funnel - Thanks to my buddy, Clinty, for this suggestion. You just pour in your PBR (if you're a hipster) or Stella (if you think you're a beer snob but are really unknowingly sipping on the Pabst of Europe) and drink away.

***WARNING*** Do not try if you have a problem with hair in your drink. Actually you probably shouldn't drink out of any glass in our house if you're afraid of finding hair in your drink. I shed quite profusely and so do my animals.

6. Pathetic Face Amplifier - Sad faces look so much more ridiculous encased in plastic...

I... remember... freedom.  It... was... glorious.

I imagine you could say the same thing about Carbonite.  Han Solo wasn't looking so hot in that either.

7. Costume - Hello... who's going to be a Victrola for Halloween next year? Or perhaps a Dilophosaurus... yes, I know they don't really look like the spitter dinos from Jurassic Park but for my purposes they absolutely do.  Movies are just like real life; you will not convince me otherwise. Or maybe a cocktail glass?  Her name is already Olive so I'll just teach her to walk on her hind legs and she can go as a dirty martini.

I'd rather you just put the antlers back on my head and call me Olive the Other Reindeer again.  That might be less humiliating.

8. Jai alai Scoop - Properly known as a xistera (who knew? Thanks, wikipedia). She is SOOO good at catching tennis balls now.

Seriously?

We've got one more day to go before we attempt the cone-removal procedure. She's started the countdown... well, maybe she hasn't but we have. We haven't taught her how to count yet. Though I'm pretty sure if she understood math, she'd have spent all of this time scratching her days in captivity into the wall next to her crate.